Life my dear friends is a war, sometimes its hard to swallow because
we are all brought up thinking we have to be nice and we have to carry
other people along that we tend to forget that our primary instinct is
to survive. One of the biggest and the most fought war fronts since the
history of man is in our "romantic" relationships, personally over the
little time I have spent in this world I have found this war to be very
ferocious and fought with so much passion but with very little tactical
awareness. The main reason is that most of us ignore the main rule of
warfare which is know thyself and thine enemy, today that enemy is the Man and we are going to try and understand how this man fights his "romantic" battles.You see a man is a very straightforward creature, if men were to be a programming language we would be a basic machine level language that understands just zeros and ones, a man does not need a valid reason to want to have sex with another woman aside from the fact that she looks "hot" on a very basic level. A man does not need to do any permutations and think is she good enough or is she smart enough? Maybe to have a real relationship or to settle down with yes he might consider that, but in a very basic and primal way a man is moved by what he sees. So when I hear ladies say "what I cannot stand is cheating, if he does it once I will kick his ass to the curb" , I ask is that what the real problem is? During one of these spats recently I asked my friend which scenario she thinks would hurt her the most:
- You find out your boyfriend went to strip club with his friends and ended up having sex with a hooker
- You find out your bf has been secretly having lunch with his EX for the past month
Nine out of ten times they have a damascus moment and realize that it is emotional betrayal that is much more important than a man having sex, but she says, why is it that when a woman goes out to a club and ends up sleeping with a guy she is called names? Well that is because women usually have to cross that emotional barrier first before it gets to sex. I like to look at it from an evolutionary point of view, you see a woman's child is always her child, and as such her own issues are things like will this man be able to take care of this child, provide food and shelter for us or is he just going to run a way ? In that light a woman has to be a lot more careful and scrutinize who she is getting into bed with. The man on the other hand has a bigger dilemma, he does not always know for sure if a child is his own, so he wants to "try as many times as possible" to make sure that his own genealogy continues to exist.
Now like I said I know this is probably hard for some of you to swallow and some might look at this as a justification for a man to cheat but it is really only an explanation of how a man works. No amount of wishing away would change the fact that men will cheat regardless of what the stakes are, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, JFK, Tiger Woods.........the list is endless. The trick is to know when the man crosses the emotional line and from then onwards the gloves come off, protect yourself as much as you can, betrayal is the real pain in any heart break.
I am a staunch believer that a relationship is 40% love, 40% commitment and 20% of sacrifice, as a man I often remind myself of this and it keeps me from straying. This does not mean that we should hide how we really see things, I think embracing who you are and comparing it viz a viz what you want from life or what you have committed yourself to goes a long way in dealing with this "demon" we carry inside. The world is fast changing and one of the big tenets of evolution is the specie that fails to adapt ultimately goes extinct.
In the words of the famous Sun Tzu:
1. Therefore, I say: Know your enemy and know yourself; in a
hundred battles, you will never be defeated.
2. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your
chances of winning or losing are equal.
3. If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are sure to
be defeated in every battle.
As always I appreciate your comments. Have a nice weekend guys.
